It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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