Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
