Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
