Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
