Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
