Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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