That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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