I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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