she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
