He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
