I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
