I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
