Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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