then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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