Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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