Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Moan for me like Helen Keller
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
