It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
