My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
