my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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