Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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