We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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