WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
