I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
