Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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