I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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