I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
