my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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