I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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