No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
