She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
