Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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