dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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