I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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