Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
