He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
