He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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