Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
