it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
