that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
