So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
