just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I forgot how hot balto sounded
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
