i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
two words...techno handjob
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
