WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
