One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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