I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
