well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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