you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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