Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
