i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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