never play flip cup with pint glasses
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
